Slices of Truth bombs

I was realizing this morning, I've hit the pinnacle of ridiculous and have begun to surpass it. In my head, my age was blinking like a neon light on the block as I reviewed a mental snapshot of myself at that very moment. If you saw a woman driving down 895 shoving pizza in her face, that was me. I glanced over and made eye contact with the guy in the lane next to me, ripped off a hunk, winked, and accelerated. That's how I bring honey to the bees. Honestly though, I still don't understand why I'm single. I'm really nice.

Yeah, I might look like this when I eat,

And this when I wake up,

And this when I try to wear make-up,

And if I had kids they'd probably look a lot like this,

And my drinks look like this.

But I have a sister, who may be prettier, but does this to her cat.

I get why she's single.

And I have a tough guy brother that sews and makes shit like this for his little dog. Married twice.

I just thought I'd pose the question, but a full conversation on the singularity of Parker is like trying to explain quantum physics to Sarah Palin. Utterly fucking pointless. Like this, Selena Meyer often says it best.

Until next time, I'm off to continue my dumbery so that I can have these realizations and useless introspections to share with the masses. Go internet!

© Kimbo

Bad or Great Letters, Truth, Shit, and Unicorns

I'm feeling vulnerable this week so I figured it's a good time to share. I'm not always good at getting things in life, but sometimes things aren't my fault. Sometimes people are sour to you for no reason and you just have to realize it wasn't you. Sometimes, it's totally fucking me. 

I don't always realize things right away, but like two years later, it's like  a wacky inflatable arms guy slapping bitch slapping me in front of a group of kids and no matter how hard I try, there is no escape. They point and laugh, YouTube that shit, and my pain is viral.

Example: below is letter to what was a prospective employer. A financial firm.

*Didn't get the job, but did have two interviews. I figure they just wanted to meet the asshole who wrote this.

So you know, there are things like that. Perhaps I have miscues when the word "creativity" is mentioned in an employment ad. But also, I'd like to spend my life doing strange things with weird people.

Too many things in the news for me to destroy, but I don't want to take the rest of your year. However, am I wrong for having this clip pop into my head after reading about the the 10 year old boy who got suspended for making a finger gun? Plus, I know the feeling of the clumsy man hands so it's also an emotional piece for me.

Anyway, sometimes I feel I write great letters too. While some people go unstable, eat chocolate, and yell at their significant others when they get their monthly,  I write letters to congress. America.

This all has made me hungry for unicorns and doughnuts. I'll be right back...and oh yeah, the rest is shit....no, yeah. Shit. That's your takeaway for the week. Shit.

-FIN-

© Kimbo